- Tribute & Giveaway

Remember That Getaway
and put Puerto Rico on it

FROM APRIL 08 - Girl was angry and confused

I need to vent and where better than for all of you to see. This is going to be a pure mind ramble, but it needs to get out my head so here goes....I refuse to be second best, second choice, I am second to no one. I’m not her. I can’t ever have what she took. I won’t feel belittled or taken advantage of. Don’t call me naive or harp on my issues. I have issues, you have issues. Get a clue, no one is perfect. I’m gonna screw up and so are you, let’s accept it as a proven fact. I’ll accept my naivete on some levels, but recognize I got where I am by knowing my head from my ass. Who’s to say that positivity beyond rationalist levels can’t be helpful to keep one sane. I believe every issue can be boiled down into its simplest form. That’s not naive, its use of practicality. Whatever my route, I’m happy with myself doesn’t that count for something? Don’t constantly tell me you disagree with my choices. Trust me, I made them for a reason. I put thought into it. Don’t doubt me, don’t question me. Just trust me and let me live. Granted I might be in over my head, but it’s a road I have to travel alone. Some things you just can’t know unless it’s been seen through to the conclusion. I know I am forgetting your past. Will that be the death of me? Can I look forward without looking back? What is it you want from me? Why do I make you feel? I trust in nothing accept the existence of the need to trust in nothing. I’m too positive to some, I’m too negative to others. Under a microscope, but still not understood at all. See thru to the core, understand what’s within. We’re done, I’m through, what more can I be to you. You can’t hurt me anymore, but what should I do for you? I’m not here to hurt you, but I can’t sacrifice myself. Someone tell me what will make this better. What you want, ahead of what I need. Life didn’t turn out the way I planned. Where is the white out? How do I travel back in time? Can my heart still be? Be what? Love is a strange and many things. Do we even really know what love is. What it is to me, is that it to you? I hurt. Can I hurt in my own way? I move on. Can I move at my own pace? Try and understand. Is what I see, what is there? Who are you really? Can anyone truly ever change? Make a play and stick to it. Don’t be wishy washy. Don’t delay important decisions. Admit how you feel and realize when it’s right or wrong. If you dish it, be able to take it. Recognize there’s a distinction between what I preach and what I practice. Don’t become attached to what you don’t understand. Don’t make up qualities that don’t exist in me. Perfection in respecting imperfection.

(Disclaimer: None of this is in response to one person, so don’t freak out)

Lessons I learned from my Exes

Had a friend pose the question to me " Have you not learned anything in college?" After much thought beyond the hours of drone learning in the fine halls of LSU, I rebutted with "Hell have you seen the guys I've dated lately? I've learned plenty!" So here I am putting pen to paper ( or whatever) to share my learning experience with a bit of wit......

Lessons I learned from my Exes:
1. Crazy is crazy, and will always be crazy
2. That ex back home, she's probably not an ex after all
3. Don't loose sleep over a guy who dumps by email
4. He doesn't return your calls, he isn't worth the effort
5. Opposites may attract but they don't last
6. If it's clear he's after one thing run fast and far
7. Don't rebound to the first Tom, Dick, or Harry you meet because he'll always end up being a loser you regret knowing
8. Just because he's cute and going somewhere in life, it doesn't mean he can get away with not being able to hold a conversation
9. The harder you try to avoid an ex, the more you run into him
10. The good ones slip away, but the lousy ones hang around forever

Let's get serious for a second

I'm currently very bothered by something, so I thought what the hell let me get it out. To sum it up ...... I'm sick of being paranoid. Paranoid that everyone is out to hurt me. I don't think there's anything wrong with being cautious. The problem lies in when caution starts to dictate your every move which can be straining. So I'm in this "thing". Yeah that's the adjective I use because I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. The only thing that continually comes to mind is motion without emotion. I'm acting without thought or feeling. It's all just shocking to me because this isn't who am I. Somewhere along the line I must have decided devoted, heart on my sleeve, Kim got stomped on so let's try heartless soul sucker for a change. It's not that I don't genuinely like this guy... I want to be old bubbly Kim and I think I could under the right circumstances. What would be the right circumstances? A nice start would be actually knowing what the hell his agenda is. What does he want from me? Is he out for something special or just a bed warmer until he gets over the ex. So honestly what do I think he wants? I'd lean towards somebody to mess with but no strings attached. Man I'm that chick that thinks all guys are scum just looking for a piece. So I guess it is hard for me to put anybody in a positive light. Please the last thing I want to think is I'm another friend with benefits... God let me vomit now. But am I asking for anything more?...No not exactly. Am I willing to risk the safety of being alone to go after something that could be good? I'll tell ya what kills me " Oh just have a don't care attitude and do what makes you happy." Oh yeah that sounds super in theory, but find a way where that shit actually works. LOL technically I guess that looks like what I'm trying to perfect right now by refusing to grow a pair and confront this guy about my growing frustration about this pseudo connection. (Tsk Tsk) Girls always trying to label things. Well F it I need a label because I'm too scared to put effort into something that gets me used again or puts me out there for another good slam. Gotta take a chance if you want to succeed. See I can spout out all the classic shitty advice but at the same time I realize it's all crap and not helping me a bit. How much you wanna bet I never find out what I want. Longevity has never been my strong suit, and it's not like I've been acting sane lately. Man I wouldn't wanna spend time with me the way I've been acting lately. I guess the question for myself is why did I go after this guy in the first place if I didn't think I could handle it? Yeah well I guess I was banking on him not being interested which makes GAD girl have a lot less worry. Come on we all know I love the chase but never have an equally astonishing follow through. Bottom line..... Fingers crossed my old self can find its way out of it's dark hole and make the best out of what this situation has given me. A golden opportunity should never be wasted. And I'll exit on that high note.

Dear 2004

Dear 2004,
Admittingly I'm happy to see you go. Granted you were a year that saw considerable growth, but with you came a lot of freak accidents and baggage I could have done without. A year of innocence lost and power regained. Mistakes made and friendships bonded.
When you brought me a jerk, I dealt. He had promise, but this isn't a compromise... this is my life. I'm not looking for Dr. Jeckell/Mr. Hyde to spice up my life. Granted Bipolar has given me some of '04's greatest quotes, but when your life has more drama than a daytime soap.... you gotta go.
When you brought me Mrs. Drama, I dealt. She started out sane and helped out in a time of transition. You gave us all a rotten hand of cards, but she couldn't accept her hand. Lesson learned never value anything above friend. When trust is lost....you gotta go.
When you bought me another jerk, I got angry. This is when I decided you, 2004, had to go. How could you continually abuse me, one of your biggest supporters. I was there for your holidays. I used a PDA to map out all your important dates. But 2 jerks in one year... you gotta go.
How did I get even u ask? I left Mrs. Drama in Crazytown and drove right over to Happiness and set up residence. I cut a deal with 2005, I'll use everything I learned from you, 2004, to keep myself.... happy, healthy, and independent.

Today's word is "Random"

Okay so if you're like who is this girl and why should I care. Well as far as the caring thing goes, that's all up to your personal preference. But for the quick introductions my name is Kimberly. I'm currently residing in Baton Rouge and attending the great college of LSU. Two weeks in and I'm already stressed beyond my means. Should be reading out some hella boring Modernity book right now, but writing this is so much more entertaining. I'm a political science major and I know what you're thinking. What can you do with a degree in that? Well if that wasn't what you were thinking then you're in a minority because I feel like I get that question every day. FYI, I have no clue really what I plan to do with my life and for the time being that's fine by me. Thinking law school or graduate school, but I'm not looking to make a permenant decision about that anytime soon
Well socially speaking I'm whatever the opposite of the butterfly is. Maybe like a moth or caterpillar. That's my way of saying outgoing isn't a work used to describe me often. Sure I go to the clubs like every other single 20 year old, but that's about the only place I get random with the fellas. Otherwise I just sit in class and think "hey he's cute I should say something to him", but thats as far as I ever get for the most part. I've been in a rough patch with the fellas the past six months here. Two pretty crappy ending relationships that I'm trying to quickly move on from with the start of the new semester. I seem to attract guys who have ex-girlfriend issues, and it's a b*tch to deal with. They either can't commit for fear of getting hurt again, or somehow I don't match up to the memory of her greatness. Just for laughs let's share how one of my exes dumped me. A) He quit taking my calls for no apparent reason B) He attempted to dump me my email C) He sent a follow up email that listed in "numerical descending order" everything that was wrong with me. You're thinking damn girl that's harsh what did you do.LOL with this guy I didn't have to do anything to set him off. He wasn't right in the head, so we're better off with him vanished into the wind. I honestly think my last relationship which consisted of a 3 month rut where I was pretty much used for some random fun, while he decided whether he really wanted a relationship or not was worse. Nothing crappier than a nice guy who's been turned sour by some evil chick who broke his heart. Guys just need to deal with that like I have. It sucked..tear....tear... get up and move the hell on or your life is gonna suck. So I'm back out in the clubs keeping it real with the fellas. I know better than to think I'll meet a nice guy in a bar, but it's all about building confidence elsewhere in life.
On a lighter note, I'm on campus today and while I'm walking the good solid mile from my car to my class bright and early 8 am... I think up some of the most random crap. The saddest part is I amuse myself too much and people have got to be thinking wow what's so funny about walking down the sidewalk. What was so damn funny? Well I have these awesome ideas for futuristic inventions. Okay today it was personal mood music with speakers. Alright so that doesn't sound too jazzy, but hear me out. Like you walk by somebody and they've got a theme song for the day that plays as you walk by them. Some how magically it randomly works seemingly coming out of nowhere. Pissed at your ex... You Ought Know by Alanis plays around you. Feeling like a naughty girl... anything by Beyonce. Trying to pimp the ladies... a little Luther Vandross. You can really tell alot about a person by their tunage. Just in case you were wondering... this morning I would have been blaring some Box Car Racer. Nobody really got into that cd, but I pull it out every know and then and I'm like hell this is how good Blink 182 could be if they weren't trying to not act their age. Not like I have room to talk because as much as I hate to admit it I'm currently listening to Bloodhoung Gang. Yeah I know wtf!? I just found a blank cd and popped it in my computer and got rushes back to my high school days. Not that that's always a good thing, but today it is. So enough of my ranting for one night. I'm sure you'll hear from me again