FROM APRIL 08 - Girl was angry and confused

I need to vent and where better than for all of you to see. This is going to be a pure mind ramble, but it needs to get out my head so here goes....I refuse to be second best, second choice, I am second to no one. I’m not her. I can’t ever have what she took. I won’t feel belittled or taken advantage of. Don’t call me naive or harp on my issues. I have issues, you have issues. Get a clue, no one is perfect. I’m gonna screw up and so are you, let’s accept it as a proven fact. I’ll accept my naivete on some levels, but recognize I got where I am by knowing my head from my ass. Who’s to say that positivity beyond rationalist levels can’t be helpful to keep one sane. I believe every issue can be boiled down into its simplest form. That’s not naive, its use of practicality. Whatever my route, I’m happy with myself doesn’t that count for something? Don’t constantly tell me you disagree with my choices. Trust me, I made them for a reason. I put thought into it. Don’t doubt me, don’t question me. Just trust me and let me live. Granted I might be in over my head, but it’s a road I have to travel alone. Some things you just can’t know unless it’s been seen through to the conclusion. I know I am forgetting your past. Will that be the death of me? Can I look forward without looking back? What is it you want from me? Why do I make you feel? I trust in nothing accept the existence of the need to trust in nothing. I’m too positive to some, I’m too negative to others. Under a microscope, but still not understood at all. See thru to the core, understand what’s within. We’re done, I’m through, what more can I be to you. You can’t hurt me anymore, but what should I do for you? I’m not here to hurt you, but I can’t sacrifice myself. Someone tell me what will make this better. What you want, ahead of what I need. Life didn’t turn out the way I planned. Where is the white out? How do I travel back in time? Can my heart still be? Be what? Love is a strange and many things. Do we even really know what love is. What it is to me, is that it to you? I hurt. Can I hurt in my own way? I move on. Can I move at my own pace? Try and understand. Is what I see, what is there? Who are you really? Can anyone truly ever change? Make a play and stick to it. Don’t be wishy washy. Don’t delay important decisions. Admit how you feel and realize when it’s right or wrong. If you dish it, be able to take it. Recognize there’s a distinction between what I preach and what I practice. Don’t become attached to what you don’t understand. Don’t make up qualities that don’t exist in me. Perfection in respecting imperfection.

(Disclaimer: None of this is in response to one person, so don’t freak out)